Still Trembling at 11:03pm
Just like most people, my day at work consists mainly of sitting in front of a computer, answering and sending emails, chatting with co-workers, lunching with friends, and a lull in energy around 2pm. Fortunately, or unfortunately if you consider a caffeine addiction unfortunate, I have access to a Starbucks within about a three minute walk from my desk. Anywhere between 1pm and 3pm, I usually begin to argue the merits of obtaining a latte with myself around this time every day. I need to stay awake to work, but it costs $3.24 every time I go. Having this every day can’t be good for my system, but the ancient Columbians had lattes for every meal and they turned out OK, right?
Eventually I just find myself over there with a warm cup in one hand and a five dollar bill in the other facing the cashier with no idea how I got there. Today, however, was different since I thoroughly rationalized the decision, and all the voices in my head spoke with one coherent voice…"let there be latte." And because this was a full and actual decision with reasoning and logic behind it (insomnia had robbed me of 2 hours of sleep the night before), I asked the man behind the counter to include an extra shot of espresso in my large drink.
Espresso, my friends, can be a dangerous thing. Maybe Mr. Starbucks measured poorly. Maybe the coffee was stronger than normal. Maybe my friendly barista added several shots of espresso thinking that the wink I gave him meant much more than it did. In any event, I was “loaded” all afternoon. What began as the tapping of my feet to music that didn’t exist gave way to a full blown caffine overdose. I began cleaning my office for no reason. I made three phone calls in five minute for reasons that are still unclear to me. I actually counted the number of windows open on my computer desktop at 31, and I’m still convinced that at one point my mouse was telling me that my last haircut was too short and that I need a new hair stylist. We argued for 20 minutes, and eventually, I saw the merits of his argument.
The moral of today’s story? Loss of sleep can only be countered with…sleep. Caffinating yourself leaves you stuck in this viscious cycle of needing caffine to stay awake, which in turn disrupts your sleep, causing you to need more caffine. I’m convinced that a shadow corporation with Bill Gates, Henry Kissinger, and Hillary Clinton as board members are the real owners and operators of the Starbucks chain, and their plan is to leave us all in an over-caffinated but fatigued state – too weak to function or question their eventual take-over of the world. Any resistance to this revolution will be crushed instantly when those that question the new overlords have their coffee switched to decaf. Viva le…mocha?
Eventually I just find myself over there with a warm cup in one hand and a five dollar bill in the other facing the cashier with no idea how I got there. Today, however, was different since I thoroughly rationalized the decision, and all the voices in my head spoke with one coherent voice…"let there be latte." And because this was a full and actual decision with reasoning and logic behind it (insomnia had robbed me of 2 hours of sleep the night before), I asked the man behind the counter to include an extra shot of espresso in my large drink.
Espresso, my friends, can be a dangerous thing. Maybe Mr. Starbucks measured poorly. Maybe the coffee was stronger than normal. Maybe my friendly barista added several shots of espresso thinking that the wink I gave him meant much more than it did. In any event, I was “loaded” all afternoon. What began as the tapping of my feet to music that didn’t exist gave way to a full blown caffine overdose. I began cleaning my office for no reason. I made three phone calls in five minute for reasons that are still unclear to me. I actually counted the number of windows open on my computer desktop at 31, and I’m still convinced that at one point my mouse was telling me that my last haircut was too short and that I need a new hair stylist. We argued for 20 minutes, and eventually, I saw the merits of his argument.
The moral of today’s story? Loss of sleep can only be countered with…sleep. Caffinating yourself leaves you stuck in this viscious cycle of needing caffine to stay awake, which in turn disrupts your sleep, causing you to need more caffine. I’m convinced that a shadow corporation with Bill Gates, Henry Kissinger, and Hillary Clinton as board members are the real owners and operators of the Starbucks chain, and their plan is to leave us all in an over-caffinated but fatigued state – too weak to function or question their eventual take-over of the world. Any resistance to this revolution will be crushed instantly when those that question the new overlords have their coffee switched to decaf. Viva le…mocha?
posted by Marty Stroodler at 12:25 AM
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