Tuesday, May 16, 2006

Here's to Apple's Advertising Genius

Alright, FINE! I give! Apple, you have broken me. I surrender.

Since we broke up in 1991, I've been determined not to run back into your open arms. For years I resisted as you attempted to brainwash me with your sleek curves and simple operating system. The power of the Pentium kept me on the straight and narrow since I purchased my first personal computer in 1998. You kept a low profile for years, yet all the while, you hid in shadows, whispering in my ear…”I’m more reliable. Bill Gates doesn’t control me.”

Then, as the MP3 revolution began to take hold, you came out of nowhere with this sleek temptation called the iPod. Even though tons of other capable devices were out there, you seduced me with its half-metallic nature, its lack of buttons, and a click-wheel that drove me crazy. I gave into you once, but since then I have resisted your wiles and have refused to purchase another, even though I can hear the Nano calling to me over the evening wind.

And now, you unleash your most potent weapon against my will…the new Mac Guy. How can I resist his beauty? His charm? His hipster nature? Sure, I had a thing for the Dell guy, way back when, but that was just a young boy’s crush. This is true love. His tattered Old Navy hoodie and his three-day old facial scruff don’t deter me. That tossled hair, faded jeans, and ever so slight build drive me wild.

I don’t know why I’ve fallen so hard for him. Maybe it’s because at my core I’m always in love with the “nice guy.” Or perhaps it’s because I never satisfied my high school desire to sleep with Ted Logan. Whatever the reason, my love for the Mac guy is real, and it isn’t going away anytime soon.

So, Apple, you win. Even though my Sony Vaio has a few more years on it, if the Mac guy is around then I’ll probably follow him into the light…but only if he doesn’t get fat.